I find myself wondering what year it is, not because we just celebrated New Year, but because I’m noticing the resurgence of a car accessory I believed was long dead: The little yellow yield sign declaring “Baby on Board”. It’s back, and that’s not a good thing.

In the late 1980s, these suction cupped warning signs were the pet rocks of the car world, an absurdly simple and odd idea which made someone a fortune. Soon, you could get them declaring everything imaginable. I hung a “Why be normal?” version upside-down on my rear windshield. I was a high-school nerd anyway, so it’s not like it hurt my popularity any further. But thankfully, as that sign wore out along with my first car… the fad died.

Or so I thought.

In the recent insanity of the Pre-Christmas season I was shocked to see a handful of these signs in any over-stuffed parking lot. And after following one extremely poor driver through the throng, I realized why the suction cupped “Baby on Board” diamond on his car should have stayed dead.

The well meaning parent who sticks a “Baby on Board” sign to the rear of their family hauler believes they’ve helped keep their little ones extra safe. Other drivers, hurtling whilly-nilly down the road will suddenly see this little diamond of sanity and slow down, pay attention, and glide by this idyllic family with care. Great in theory. But we don’t live in theory, in fact I don’t think anyone could find Theory, USA on any map.

This is hubris. It assumes that it isn’t important to always pay attention, or that many of us won’t do it without a reason like a car full of little-ones. A single driver is no less important than your toddler. Why not put a diamond declaring “Human on Board” in the back of every vehicle in the country? It amounts to the same thing.

Or, worse still is the assumption that the driver of this vehicle doesn’t have to drive as well as everyone else because they have a little distraction in the car. The sign suggests that too. If they drift in their lane, or don’t signal, or seem unaware of the flow of traffic they should be excused because… oh, look… it says right there, they have kids in the car. What about the human’s in the car next to them who were pushed into the weeds? Didn’t you see the “People Driving” yield sign on their rear glass?

We want you, and us, and everyone on the road to get home safely. There is no sign which should give you the right to drive poorly or remind me to drive well. The safety of passengers is the sole responsibility of their driver, not other drivers. Airbags, seatbelts, car seats, and crumple zones exist to protect us when terrible things happen. But it’s better if we respect all cars equally no matter if it’s a single adult or a family of seven. Everybody should be wearing a seatbelt, even you adults in the back, and nobody gets special treatment.

The Awarning is this: no matter what you think, that “Baby on Board” diamond suggest the real immature one is behind the wheel. Take it off. Take the responsibility into those hands which should be at 10 and 2. Drive safe, people. And by that I don’t mean boring, I mean concentrate and pay attention. For everyone.

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